Online across Texas
Attachment Therapy
I’m too much. I’m not enough.
I can’t Get help. I don’t want help, but I do.
I can’t say no…they’ll be mad.
I have no clue what it means to have boundaries. I just shut down.
Sound familiar?
I see you.Attachment trauma is particularly confusing to experience. It starts early, in the messages you received from caregivers even in infancy. The way you are treated by others “tells” your body what’s true about you, and if you were cared for well, your little baby body starts to learn some things about yourself - You are valuable. Your voice can be heard. Your needs matter. You can trust people to help you.
BUT, in the unfortunate circumstances that you were NOT cared for well, that your caregivers were critical and controlling or negligent and uninterested, even with no outright physical abuse taking place, your little baby body learned a much more painful message. This pain takes root in ideas of feeling to blame for how others feel, shame for your authentic self, struggling to manage overwhelming emotions, wondering what’s wrong with you.
At its core, attachment trauma is about not feeling safe to be yourself around others.So you hide - either by physically withdrawing and avoiding people or by staying physically present while emotionally closing off, avoiding vulnerability. Either way, relationships feel forced, fake, stressful - leaving you to wonder if something is wrong with you that makes this so hard.
There's nothing wrong with you. This is what you've learned, not who you are.Attachment is not about a singular connection between people. It’s more like the language you’ve learned to speak in relationship, and it is not your fault that someone taught you a clunky, ineffective version of the language. You can learn a better way and everything can feel so, so much better.
Evaluate
your relationships
We learn so much about who we are from the people around us. Are you fun or tiresome? Focused or controlling? Emotional or expressive? Intuitive or too sensitive? Helpful or needy?
These messages are someone else’s opinion and may not provide helpful insight. We’ll start by considering what messages you carry from others and reflect on what to do about it.
learn
Healthy Attachment
This shit can change, baby! I will teach you, in very clear concepts, how to navigate relationships with better expectations of yourself and others. You can replace codependency and overwhelm with a reasonable approach. It will blow your mind.
Ok, maybe not, but it will definitely help. You’ll understand why interactions feel so funky and recognize how the behavior of others has been a problem for you.
Practice
Skills & Boundaries
With this new framework in mind, we will work together to help you act on it. This will include strategizing and practicing conversations, taking ownership of your choices.
We will take this beyond mere understanding and really help you implement changes in your life until your relationships feel good, including your relationship with yourself.
If you’re ready to…
01
Understand why you feel the way you do
02
Learn practical guides and skills for better relationships
03
Embrace your real self without fear so others can, too
04
Feel good being yourself with or without other people
…then let’s get to work.
because, At the end of the day:
You are worth knowing…first by your self, then with the right people.
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Yes, abso-frickin-lutely! Attachment isn’t something you have, it’s how you act in relationships. My clients often say they know they don’t want to do what their parents did, but they don’t know WHAT TO DO INSTEAD. That’s what I can teach you.
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We also gain these attachment messages about ourselves in other settings - peers, colleagues, romantic partners, etc. so it might be that the painful concepts that have you in a chokehold came from somewhere else. Also, with all due respect, sometimes parents who seem unproblematic on the surface can still shape their children in painful ways, usually with the best of intentions. The key is how you feel. If this is a struggle, then where it came from is a minor part of solving the puzzle. Giving you the tools you need to make a difference from this point is still what matters.
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Excellent question, because yes, many of our own attachment struggles tend to come roaring to the surface when we ourself take the parenting role. It’s wild, isn’t it? How unexpectedly we end up channeling someone we never wanted to imitate? This realization is a fantastic opportunity to reorient yourself in relationships so that 1) it is easier to be a parent (because that shit is hard) and 2) your kids can avoid some of the struggles and pitfalls you’re navigating. No parent is perfect - that’s not even an option - but it can be easier, for sure.